I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
