I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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