hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You ruined the universe
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
