I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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