cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
