i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
