Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We are two peas in an std pod
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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