party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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