ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
