We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
