just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
