i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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