your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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