walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She bit a glass in half.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found the puke drawer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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