In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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