You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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