Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
