bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
