last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
