I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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