i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
