It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
