and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
