Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
