Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
