I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
