really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
