Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
