You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
