he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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