You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
