New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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