I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We need to get me chipped asap
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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