I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
