I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
