i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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