Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
