I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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