Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it hurts more in the daytime
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
