Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
