TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
