If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
