stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
