Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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