If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
