So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
