boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
