Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
