you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
