This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
