I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
