Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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