watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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