Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he thought i was a dude.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
