have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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