so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
