You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
