If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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